I am selfish. I care for my own well being and the risk of being hurt more than reaching out anymore. I don’t give and reach out enough. I build up walls so high my vision of the future is blurred. I am desensitized, my soul a mere cavity, apathetic and incapable of loving selflessly. You can’t reach to me, for the stakes of getting my heart leaning towards you is far more precarious than you think. I have no right to care or to hurt because no one is entitled to or owe me anything. Indifference is key. I am in love with someone whom I cannot have, whose heart craves for but doesn’t belong to me. It’s worse than staying up nights missing someone and getting beaten down by a lost love, an insignificant being overriding my importance just in mere seconds of her existence and making me second best. It’s more painful than waking up to a hollow and void chest in the mornings. I tire my body and guts out, be surrounded with love from others in this life and yet it still boils down to nothingness. This kind of love is pathetic and silly. It makes life a meaningless one. So I can only wish the best for you.
